There are many weaknesses in the human spirit but that is what makes us human.  I have many character shortages but that is why I am learning in life.  As a human I was taught to judge others imperfections but as a spiritual being I am learning to accept myself and others.  My ego follows me in voice during the day but I am the defense against self centered behavior.   In the end I am responsible for me.

I feel myself most when I am around or near water.  When I need to relax I just find a place in my head and float down the stream in a tube.  See , there is not alot of water in OKLAHOMA  so a girl has to daydream.  Just anywhere near water makes me feel me.

There have been many experiences.  I call it GRACE.  Im not the organized religious kind but I do believe when this happens to me.  I was filled with grace from head to toe.  The interconnection between body, mind and soul was so tingling.  Just an ordinary day that became extraordinary. 

To talk myself through difficult change.  I can do anything.  I am responsible for myself. I let people know me and comfort me.  Those are my greatest strengths!!!

Quite grace gentle skip
of the wheat dancing
wholeness of colors and movement

First of all i have had a sense in this lifetime I am continously seeking something I cant find.  Ever since I was a child.  I am alot of things. A mother, sister, lover, teacher, friend, co-worker, aunt, daughter, student etc. There always this empty space.  I have battled depression and thoughts of ending my life in 1992.  Went to a therapist and really got screwed up even more.  Then this presense of what I call "GRACE" would fall upon my being and the cloud would lift.  I started to forgive and let the anger out of my soul.  The dark depression ended.  I still seek for the empty space but I have my life back.  I am living!!!

The rolling wheat fields of Oklahoma.  The waves are almost how I feel inside.  The way things just roll off my shoulders as I meditate in peace.  This is the imagine I see.  Mostly in Oklahoma that is all you see.  The sky seems to go on forever The blue meets the green like  a kids coloring page.  I have traveled in the states alot and love most places that I see.  The sun is my favorite natural thing.

Most of the argumentsI have are with myself for compromising, being flexible when I know I need to be stern. Considering the  cost of the things we do.  I think alot . ..... I m not really a talker.  I will engage in debate with friends and family occasionally just to sharpen my skills but as actually an argument I cant remember. 

my favorite memories of childhood was the summer time and my younger brother and I rode our bikes to almost every creek in town and collected tadpoles and crawdads.  We dug worms and fished at the local park.  We often made believe that we would runaway some day to far away place.  Our main goal was to make enough money and leave my strict, abusive parents.  Well it was our way of dealing with the problems at an early age.  So I was the leader and we collected cans from dumpsters, mowed lawns and thought of ways to join the circus.  The funny thing is that this make believe got us into more trouble than if we had just surcome to the torture.  My brother rode his bike off the garage and made high pitch noise and said "sister I dont think this will get us into the circus while holding his nuts. " We only made enough money to get some candy or soda and sometimes  comic book or two.  But these memories lasted forever in my mind because my brother  died before he was 30yrs old of drug addiction.  I still today see him calling out "sister......look at this tadpole its bigger than yours as he daggled off the bridge into the creek at the park."
My brother was a father and i often see him in his son. 

Last week i went to my adult daughters house.  She has 3 bio kids and 2 foster children.  She had been having trouble with them keeping their rooms clean. I guess like all kids. Well i told all of them if they cleaned their rooms and kept them clean for one week they could all spend the night with grandma.  The next week I went to see them and the entire house was clean and the bedrooms spotless.  One of the twins granddaughters said " Grandma remember you said........."  That was it . I took all five kids and we enjoyed the evening and my daughter and son inlaw also had a great time without the children.  What a blessing that grandkids keep you honest.